Sleepovers are evil oneshot
by legomyedo
Summary: What happens when Naruto has a sleepover, sniff sharpies, play strip poker, get drunk, watch Titanic, and hear the bad noises from Naruto's bedroom. ShikaTema SasuNaru GaaNeji


Hey you dweeby readers!!! Im not dead!!! YOSH! Meh one shot to have fun with. What ever... oh and my sister's friend walked into his brothers room after his brother and his brother's girlfriend had sex and sniffed then said, "Sex smells like... Hm it smells like tuna."

* * *

There Naruto was. Sitting on his couch knees drawn up to his cheats, giant tub of triple chocolate ice-cream (would have bean ramen flavored but the grocery store didn't have that kind… could you imagine that!?!), tears streaming down his face and sobs escaping his lips every few second.

_Near,... Far  
Wherever you are  
I believe that the heart does  
Go on  
Once... more  
You open the door  
And you're here in my heart and  
My heart will  
Go on and on_

The dim television emitting the Celine Dion song as titanic played. Sakura was silently sobbing at Naruto's feet while Hinata had her tear stained face buried in Kiba's shoulder who with all his power was trying to be manly but his lip was quivering like a fat man with sugar withdrawal. Sasuke was staring so apathetically at the screen you would have thought he had fallen asleep with his eyes open. Neji, on the on the other hand **had** actually fallen asleep and was snoring slightly with his head tilted back, mouth wide open. Lee was wailing like a little baby and Shino had been banging his head against the wall at his fellow ninja's stupid choice of a movie, Gaara had joined him five minutes into it.

Naruto took a deep breath and out of his own stupidity decided to belt the song out with the television set only to be accompanied by the screechy voice of Sakura and Ino, the obviously already drunk voice of Tamari, the timid voice of Hinata, and the quiet baritone of Kiba. This is when Sasuke joined the duo of head smackers and made it a trio.

_You're here  
There's nothing I fear  
And I know that my heart will  
Go on  
Once more  
You open the door  
And you're here in my heart and  
My heart will  
Go on and on_

The long drawn out note of the mixture of sobbing "on"'s woke Neji from his non to graceful sleep and got him pissed off. Nobody… That means NOBODY wakes Neji Hyuga… he gets a bit grumpy.

"WHAT THE FUCK!?! SHUT UP DAMN IT!!!", the enraged brunet boy screamed.

Sakura popped the T.V. off in an annoyed fashion just to turn her maniacal and evil glare on the genius, "Damn it Neji we were just trying to have some fun! Why do you have to act like you have a freaking freight train shoved up your tight little ass!?!"

Tamari waved her bottle of sake around in a strange drunken dance and giggled, "His ass ain't so tight my brother made sure a that!"

Hinata fainted, Ino started giggling, Neji turned a bright red, Naruto pretended he didn't hear, Sakura made a face, and the head smacking Dumb, Dumb, and Dumber just kept right on smacking… but Gaara seemed to be doing it twice as hard and with much more vigor.

"Hey Sakura-chan thawas a funny face… Doitagain."

"Hey where's Shika and Choji?", Naruto asked face moving rapidly from side to side, spoon almost flying out of his mouth and nailing the drunken sailor right in her forehead.

"Unnnugh", an unintelligible grunting noise sounded from under the couch as a limp hand slid out from under unintentionally groping Kiba's ass.

"WHATTHEFUCK!", Kiba screeched jumping up as Hinata, Ino, and Sakura all "eeped" and retreated to the opposite side of the room. Naruto was now on the top of the back of the couch eyes wide and precious triple chocolate more-heart-attack-causing-than-the-Death-Note ice cream clutched to his heart. Tamari just eyed the hand like she was going to smash it to bits with her sake bottle.

"Is it over yet?", a lazy assed brunet said immerging from the dark and disgusting depths of the under side of Naruto's dusty old couch.

Naruto growled, "I should slice your heart failure causing, Kiba butt groping hand off for that scare!"

Shikamaru stared at his hand for a moment before replying, "So that was Kiba's ass I groped… the dude needs to loose a few pounds. It's squishier than Tamari's."

"Hey Naruto we need to go to the store we're all out of- what the hell are they doing", Choji asked motioning with his thumb at the three retards who were rapidly decreasing their brain cell count.

"Hey, HEY! Not on my wall! If you three left a hole there your freaking paying for it!", Naruto yelled ripping the three now mentally retarded boys away from the wall.

"Pretty colors", Garra grumbled almost inaudibly.

Sakura giggled, "You do it with that?" Ino giggled with her while Hinata fainted once again at the reminder.

Neji blushed a bright red before standing up and slapping Gaara hard across the face.

That worked.

Gaara looked around absent mindedly. "Where the hell am I and why are those two blubbering idiots?" Gaara said motioning at the two boys behind him. Sasuke started laughing like a six year old on speed as Shino ran repeatedly into the same wall over and over again.

"Ugh", Naruto growled. He stomped over to Sasuke in pissed off Kyubi vestal mode and head butted Shino. …He wouldn't be a problem for the rest of the night… or a week. He just resorted to slapping Sasuke.

"Shit Uzumaki!", Sasuke growled rubbing his jaw.

"That's what you get for acting like Tamari on nights when she find's Guy, Iruka, and Kakashi's secret lets-get-drunk-and-act-like-idiots stash of Sake", Naruto scolded.

"You tell 'im!", Tamari slurred before attempting to take a giant swig from an already empty Sake bottle then staring at it dumbfounded.

"Speaking of lets-get-drunk-and-act-like-idiots I found a tape that Guy made on a night where Iruka and Kakashi got just a _bit _to friendly. Wanna watch it?", Ino said digging in a bag full of sleep-over crap and pulling out a tape.

"Ooh! Gay pron! Now don't that sound exciting!", Kiba said with fake enthusiasm. Hinata fainted… again. "Damn it! Sorry Hina-chan!"

Suddenly there was an evil glint in Lee's eyes. "I found a youthful bottle today…"

Everyone looked at him expectantly.

"And…", Neji said motioning with his hand for him to continue.

"Duh dumb asses. He means spin the bottle", Sasuke growled slapping his hand on his already aching forehead and dragging it down to his chin.

Every one simultaneously mouthed "Oh".

"Oh!", Sakura said perking up from her "uh, duh" moment, "I have a better idea!"

Ino walked over to Sakura and Sakura whispered something secretively into her friends ear. They turned their head to eye Sasuke, "Ku Ku Ku."

"Do you guys promise to be men and agree to anything we say?"

"… Yes?"

---

Thirty minutes latter

---

How the freak do Hinata and Gaara win every round!?!", Ino screeched as Gaara laid down yet another royal flush.

"Shoot… Neji is already buck-naked… Naruto I want your shirt", Gaara said sitting on top of a mountain of Neji's clothing.

"Fffffuckkk U-u-uzzzzumaki it's c-c-cold!", Neji grumbled shivering away trying to cover his unmentionables with his legs.

"I-I-I-I'm rrrright with y-y-ya Hyuga", Kiba shivered, striped of all his pride as well.

Hinata was highly prepared for something like this to happen so she was wearing two jackets three pairs of pant two panties three bras and four long undershirts. Ino and Sakura had nothing to fear for they had not had to strip one item of clothing. Lee was his dumb-ass self and decided to wear his stupid one piece jumpsuit, he lost it to Gaara at the point before Gaara made Neji remove his boxers, Naruto so far had lost his jacket and now his shirt and Sasuke was in nothing but his boxers. Gaara glared at anyone who even looked in his general direction. Choji had retreated to the kitchen (that's ok no one wanted to see the truffle shuffle any way… that was mean and I'm going to hell…), Tamari and Shikamaru were making "the bad noises" in Naruto's room and Shino was no where to be found (Though Kiba insist that he snuck into Naruto's room with a digital camera just seconds after Tamari and Shikamaru had disappeared).

"Hey. Dose anyone know why Kankuro and Tenten aren't here?", Naruto asked as he put his cards face down and walked over to the thermostat to adjust the heat.

"Yeah", Kiba said as he laid down for the first time, a flush, "Tenten is doing some special training and Kankuro was apparently at a "How to Have Better and More Interesting Sex" session."

"Oh", Hinata said with a girly squeak and laying down a royal flush. "Um, Kiba-san lost his boxers a few rounds back so Gaara-san I want to be nice for my cousin so please loose the shirt."

"My hero!", Neji squealed lunging for his cousin.

Garra growled as he took off his shirt and threw it at Hinata.

"Hey. This is boring and- Holy mother of god! Is Neji-san naked!?! And is that a hicky I see on his ass!?!", Choji squealed walking in on a horribly bad time.

"WHERE!?!", Ino and Sakura screeched lunging for the Byakugan wilder and bending him over.

Ino's eyes went wide. "Holy shiznit ma niznit! There's the hicky plain as Sakura's dress style!"

"Hey!"

"Truth or Dare time", Shikamaru grumbled as he walked out of Naruto's room, pants half on.

"Yay!", Naruto squeaked like a little girl.

"Oh and for the love of god man put some pants on! Your white ass is blinding me", Shikamaru growled shielding his eyes from the pail little ass.

"Ugh! What is it!?! National beat up Neji day!?!"

"Yes", they all answered at once.

"Where's Tamari… and Shino… Wait I don't want to know", Sasuke grumbled trying to shake the mental images out of his head. A few seconds later Shino immerged from the bathroom that was connected to Naruto's room.

"Dude. Either you need to eat more fiber or you were having one hell-of-a time peaking in on that freaking sex party that those two idiots started", Kiba said with a grunt. This time even Hinata laughed.

"Last one", Shikamaru said with a grunt as he sat down.

"Ew! The images!!!", Naruto shrieked hiding his pail face in Sasuke's bear shoulder.

"I'm on Naruto's side", Gaara grumbled throwing Neji's clothes back at him. Neji just twitched.

"I wanna change!!!", Ino screeched like the little kid she really was.

Sasuke raised an eyebrow and Naruto looked at her strange. "Girls can change in my room after I get my change of clothes."

"Yay!", Ino giggled jumping up with a giant t-shirt in hand.

"Did any one find that strange and rather random?", Naruto asked scratching his head.

Everyone even our stoic lill murderer raised their hands.

"…Good then it wasn't just me…"

Shikamaru shrugged and threw his shirt off and into the corner. His pants were soon to follow.

Neji raised his eyebrow as the girls ran out of the room squealing, as Shika threw his boxers in the corner too. "And you said _I_ had a white ass!"

Shikamaru growled, "Don't diss the butt Tamari apparently loves it this white."

"Ugh", Gaara growled, "I. Didn't. Want. To. Know. That!" He threw his clothes in the same corner as Shikamaru's.

Shika pulled on a pair of gray and red boxers and a white tee. He looked out of the corner and saw Naruto quietly talking to Sasuke a slight blush tinting his cheeks.

"Talk about fan girl", Shika said elbowing Shino in the ribs making him, "Oof!"

Shino glared at the brunet with all the hatred he could muster. Shikamaru looked down at Shino's bear chest, "Wow where did you get that bruise? It looks pretty bad."

"I hate you."

"Whatever", Shika mumbled.

"Hey guys I- WHY THE HELL DO I ALWAYS WALK IN AT THE WRONG TIME!?!", Choji screamed waving a pudgy finger at the two half naked boys all over each other.

"Holy shit! Are they having sex?", Naruto asked surprised then questioningly. It was true, they were doing so many things at once that you really couldn't tell.

"Hey!", Kiba said excitedly.

"Hn?", a Sasuke now in black boxers and a dark blue undershirt mumbled nonchalantly.

Kiba pointed at Neji's ass (a place that any girl would want to look… but they're all guys… can we say gay?), "If you tilt your head forty degrees and imagine ears Neji's hicky looks like a baby bunny!"

"Mkay there wasn't one manly word in there", Choji said with a smirk.

Naruto fell over. "Its not a bunny! It's mouse! See the tail?", He said poking the black and blue mark.

"Whoa! Fingers!" Neji squeaked as he covered his ass with his hands.

"You two are both wrong", Gaara growled. "It looks like Sasuke's hair."

"What!?!", Sasuke yelled pushing Neji's hands out of the way. "What the hell!?! Why did you make it look like my hair!?! You son of a bitch!"

Gaara lunged at Sasuke, sat on his back and smacked him repeatedly with a random magazine he found laying on the ground.

"Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow.", Sasuke growled without even trying to stop Gaara.

"Is the objective for tonight to destroy our brain cells?", Sakura asked coming out of the bathroom. (hehe every one is covered up now you naughty perverts) "Cuz I found six sharpies and I'm sure that would kill them faster."

"Oh! Gimmy gimmy gimmy!", Shikamaru said getting up at an amazing speed and running over to her. She frightenedly healed out a silver sharpie. He took a deep loooooooooooooooooong drag. "Oh yeah. That's the stuff."

"Um maybe I shouldn't be saying this but Shika-kun your just a bit strange", Shino said scratching his spiky brunet head.

"No you shouldn't", Ino said matter-of-factly as she walked out of the bathroom as well, "Tamari's passed out on the bed. I woke her up and she hit me in the head with a shoe. She has a pretty bad hangover and I have a concussion… any questions?"

"It was funny to watch", Hina giggled as she too joined the group of special needs ninja.

"Kay T or D time!", Naruto yelled shepherding everyone into a big circle.

---

Thirty torturing minutes latter

---

"CARROT CAKE!!!", Shino screamed bouncing up and down. Naruto laughed and shoved a sixth plate of the delicious dissert at the now ADD bug lover. "SQUEE!"

"Holy shit that boy loves his carrot cake!", Kiba said quite frightened as yet another innocent carrot cake disappeared into the abyss that was Shino's stomach.

Gaara was beating yet another rhythmic beet on the wall with his skull.

"Come on Gaa-chan your make-over isn't over yet", Sakura said in a sing song voice.

Tears silently streamed from the brave man's eyes as he yet again sat down to torment from devices that he was sure was used as medieval torture.

"T or D Neji?", Naruto said rocking back and forth on his bum.

"Hmm… Da- NO TRUTH!", the boy said carefully.

"Damn it. Um… Have you ever jacked off to any one but Gaara? More precisely any other boy?"

"Um… No duh!?! What strait guy would have hair this nice!?!", Neji yelled just a little over hyper.

Sasuke looked at the boy strange, "How many Little Debbi's did we let him have?"

Naruto tipped the box over and there was a little puff of dust, "All of them. Why?"

"This is going to be one hell of a night."

"Oh yeah", Lee said calmly for the first time he got here.

"How many ADD pills did that boy take!?! He's just a stoic as Sasuke!", Sakura yelled jumping up and pointing at Lee like he was the biggest blasphemy since Brittany Spears.

"**JUST TWO!!!**", Hina yelled at the top of her lungs.

"Oh and T or D Naru-chan?", Ino asked between repeatedly slapping herself across the face.

"Uno… DARE MEH BABAY!", Naruto yelled jumping up and pointing to himself with his thumb.

She turned to Sakura and they whispered quietly.

"Ok just before I get this damn dare on the table I would like you all to know that I can no longer feel my face! And Naruto has to make out with Sasuke… in a closet… for five minutes…"

"EW!", Naruto screeched then made quick shifty eyes.

"Do it", Ino growled menacingly.

Naruto "eeped", "Fine freaky chick!"

Naruto and Sasuke stood up and walked toward a very large storage room closet.

"Kay ready?", Ino asked through a crack in the door.

Naruto looked at his feet and blushed cutely, "Yes."

"Okay go!", Sakura squealed slamming the door shut.

…

"What do we do… I mean I know you don't want to kiss me and I don't want to kiss you. Your not like that I'm not like that. Not that I don't find you not attractive, no your very sexy and any one would want to kiss you and I can see why because", The dobe's incessant rambling was cut off by a very rough kiss.

"I like you too", Sasuke said cupping the blond's face in his hands. "Very much."

They stared at each other for what felt like an eternity before Naruto blinked to prevent his eyes from turning into raisins.

"Five… four… three… two… one. LET US OUT!", Sasuke yelled.

Naruto put his ear to the door and started laughing. "All I hear is snoring!"

"FUCK!"

"Goodnight Sasuke", Naruto said curling up on the floor of the closet.

Sasuke sighed and joined the blond, "Good night."

---

Five minutes latter

---

"Why dose my mouth taste like Shikamau's saliva and Sake? And why dose the room smell like tuna? …oh well!", Tamari said before drifting off into happy drunk every day with our consequence Tamari dreamland.

---

"YOU SEE! THIS IS WHY WE DON'T LET NARUTO HAVE SLEEP OVERS! **EVER!!!**", a pissed off brunet sensei yelled waving a finger at a surveillance camera screen.

"Hehe yeah I see why. Maybe it wasn't such a good idea to plant excess sugar in everything at Naruto's house", the man said looking up from a bright orange book.

"YOU WHAT!?!"

"Hehe… oops?"

* * *

Can you tell how bord I get? Please comment. 


End file.
